As some know, I didn't get much done last summer for reasons that are far too boring to go into, so this year I've determined that I'm going to pull my finger out and on with those crappy jobs that pile up around the house.

My plan is to start now, as not only should it mean I have more time later in the year, but also with last years backlog not done I'm way behind already....

Last weekend it kicked off :

I started by fitting a stairgate at the bottom of the stairs. For months we had been using a travel stairgate but this is a pain in the arse as it doesn't mount to the wall, so whenever you release the lock on it , it promptly falls to the floor. This is particularly ideal when carrying a small child under one arm, and a bottle of milk and set of pyjamas in the other. Cue lots of swearing (and being shouted at by Ellie for doing so whilst within 1/4 mile of Ethan) as I try my very best not to fall arse-over-tit and drop the little guy. Also, Ethan was getting a bit too clever and was starting to work out just how to lever it out of the way and I've timed him going up the stairs at around 15 seconds. I suspect coming back down on his head would be quicker though....

This new stairgate is quite different as it looks a lot like a roller blind mounted vertically so you drag it across the stairs and it un-rolls and latches to a catch on the other side. The roller then locks so it can't be rolled further or released without performing some magic thumb, forefinger and middle finger dance on a button on the top. I'll let you know if I ever manage to find the magic combination - it's a bit like a special move in some sort of street-fighter arcade game. For now I fiddle with it a bit, then raise both middle fingers and aim them at the offending thing whilst cursing...See earlier remark re cursing....

(Seriously it's actually quite a neat bit of kit, so i recommend it to anyone with a sprog with suicidal stair tendencies)

Next was a new light fitting for the wall light in the lounge.  For the last 2 years it's tended to flicker and go out whenever something vibrates the wall - such as the RAF practicing strafing runs over the village, which seems to happen every other night.  I presume they are practicing in case we all finally have enough of the threats to close our local post office and go...well...postal...and the government of the day decides Napalm is the only way to stop the marauding pensioners...

Though that would cut the queue on Pension day.....

The final straw was that when performing "The-Dance-Of-The-Thump-Thump" on it to make the light come back on, bits of plastic started to rain down on me. I figured the God Of Crap Bronze Effect Lights was telling me something and called it a day.

Quick trip to B&Q and back and we now have a nice new wall lamp up and running. I'm glossing over the huge lump of plaster (imagine something the size of Michelangelo's "David") that fell out of the wall when I took the old one off. More accurately, I filled it, then Ellie matt-painted over it  before I then screwed the new fitting into it.

As we stood back to admire our handy work, Ellie ever so sweetly noted that 2 years ago we took the old one's ugly twin sister off the wall in the other room and had it shot (it was a mercy killing), and wouldn't it be nice to buy another one and fit it thereby covering the other sodding great whole in the plaster. If only we would have thought of that 2 hours earlier I would have saved myself another trip to B&Q....

Finally I mowed the front and rear lawns whilst Ellie and Ethan cleared up weeds and leaves etc. As we went inside I noted that the front door was squeaking slightly from the hinge, so went and got a tin of oil and oiled the hinges. This didn't solve it however, because the true reason for the squeak was because the door is starting to drop and rubbing on the door frame. Great - another thing to do. Still, i did at least then remember to oil the hinges on the cupboard under the stairs that have been squeaking for longer then Ethan has been alive....

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This weekend saw yet more BIY.

The garage has become a general dumping ground and has been this way since about 4 seconds after the removal men asked "where shall we put all these other boxes?" 3 years ago. So this weekend I went and bought enough timber to personally account for 14.3% percent of the worlds deforestation  and boarded the loft space above the garage. More accurately, I did about 2/3rds of it, and my father in law helped me with the rest, because by then I was holding up Sunday Dinner (and it was roast beef too!)

Only bad moment was heaving myself up onto a newly finished section then watching the A-Frame ladder start swaying from side to side looking a lot like it was going to fall over and leave me 10 feet above a concrete floor with no way down. Luckily, the God Of Bodging smiled upon me as it caught on a beam and stayed upright allowing me to get down. Otherwise I'd probably still be there...

I did buy another light fitting, but haven't fitted it yet. It's sat on a shelf in the slightly tidier garage next to a new door-chain for the front door because on Wednesday Ethan (who is only 16 months old) worked out how to a) undo the current chain, b) open the door handle and c) go for a walk down the road.... We're now going to fit one higher up and hopefully that should keep him inside.

Of course, he's growing at a rate of about an inch per hour, so I fully expect him to bypass the new one by a week on Thursday...

Hey-ho....